In Chicken husbandry on July 6, 2011 at 1:42 pm

July 6

I sincerely wish I had a picture to go along with this entry but alas, the exciting event did not happen on my watch.  Jim and I had gone out on a date and my friend/chicken sitters, Tama and Dennis partook of chicken time while we were gone.  While the girls were frolicking, my next door neighbor and kitty/bunny wrangler Terri and and her daughter, Lauren joined the backyard fun.  All was well until…Well, I’ll let Dennis tell the story.  He’s a Lt. Col in our United States Air Force and he deftly composed a classified brief detailing the events of the evening.  This email has been declassified for public viewing.  I asked Jim to decode all the military acronyms for me.  (He’s a retired Air Force dude) They follow the email for your edification.


TO:                  HEN ONE

SUBJ:              Snake engagement MISREP


FROM:            ROOSTER ONE, Director, Joint Terminal Attack Team, Fort Clucker Air Defense Sector


DTG 30JUN111935L



3X Friendly Chickens observe UI snake…snake says “oh crap”…chickens engage snake in a “circle the wagon” tactical formation…snake goes on the defensive (COIL DEFENSE), but to no avail.  Three on one, fangs or no fangs, Violet will not be denied fresh meat for dinner.  Daisy and Rosie continue the attack while Violet grabs snake and tosses it into the air.  Lt. Col. Adams et al investigate the scene…Violet has death-beak grip and snake knows his options are few.  Tama, Terri and Lauren assist in herding flesh-craving chickens away from snake…Dennis goes in to VID. Snake seems to have viper appearance…snake is designated a HOSTILE (I’m pretty sure I heard a BANDIT CALL and the decision is made that we are not going to take any chances. Dennis is given authorization for weapons release.  WSO (Terri) designates the M1A69 Backyard shovel as the most appropriate lethal means to dispatch the bandit.  Upon receipt of clearance to engage, WFZ is declared and acquisition of the weapon, (FOX FOUR) snake is engaged from a distance of approximately 3 feet in a pure pursuit merge. Instantly, one snake becomes two; much to the chagrin of three very unhappy warrior chickens. Reptile evidence is removed from the battlefield.  Conclusion of operation JUST DINNER.

Rooster one,

Viper Vixens!

And I missed all of it!  Dang!

 Military Acronyms for Dummies:

MISREP         Mission Report

DISTRO         Distribution

LIMDIS          Limited Distribution

DTG                Date/Time/Group

UI                    Unidentified

VID                 Visual Identification

WSO               Weapons System Officer

WFZ                Weapon Free Zone

FOX FOUR    Gunfire

Team Leader "Chicken Snake Force Three"

  1. Ok that was priceless!!!!!

    • Didn’t ROOSTER ONE do a great job! I hate I missed this night. I have some very fun and crazy friends at the Waters. YOU’D KNOW THAT IF YOU CAME TO VISIT!

  2. Just read this out loud to my friends on the way to Jackson. We all agree that you need to write a book!!! LMAO

    • I’d be happy to. I can think of 30 people who’d read it. That’s about how many folks read the chickendiary every day. Thanks for the nice words. Where do I send the check?

  3. These girls are not just all pretty feathers. They.can kick butt with the best of them. Your uncle appreciated the writing style.

  4. that was fabulous! and you missed the whole thing?!

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